(click for full-size image)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Playing catchup
It's been a shamefully long time since I've posted any content here. I've been busy with my writing over at Livejournal, and apparently I only have so much creative force within me at once. ;) I went on vacation, and when I got back went straight into tech week for the show I was producing; had a two-week run, wrapped and struck on Sunday 6/13 and began rehearsals for my next show on Monday 6/14. My energy levels are limited, although they are getting better, so I find myself really having to pay attention to what's on the to-do list and to prioritize what HAS to be done versus what I'd like to get done. It's frustrating, but I just hope things continue to get better. I think about where I was a year ago, and I can see the improvement. It's just not as fast as I'd like.
A year ago, I was less than two weeks out of surgery for the cancer. I couldn't sit up for more than 20-30 minutes at a time, for the most part. I slept on the sofa because walking down the hall to the bedroom was too much for me. I was having horrific tetany symptoms, because my parathyroid wasn't working but the doctors kept trying to wean me off the calcium/vit D regimen. It was good times.
3 weeks out from the surgery was the wedding of a very good friend of mine. I wasn't cleared to drive and wouldn't have had the stamina anyway, and a dear friend gave up his entire weekend to drive me to CT for the wedding, stay overnight so I could rest, and stop for a few hours at a family party on the way home. Through the whole weekend he was at my side, ready with a steadying hand or a smile, and he will never, ever know how much that meant to me. I've tried to tell him, but there really aren't words for it.
4 weeks out of surgery I bought my first home. I was completely taken advantage of on a couple of different issues, but I'm trusting in the Universe to help me find a resolution.
8 weeks out of surgery, terrified that permanent damage had been done to my vocal chords and singing ability, I agreed to be a minstrel in the summer Shakespeare. I made it through, and except for one night I botched a whistle reel because I was in too much pain to concentrate, I think no one could really tell I was sick. Of course, that same friend who took me to the wedding was also a minstrel, and now he will say things like "Don't you remember last year at Shakespeare when X happened?" and I have to remind him that I mostly spent the entire run telling myself "don't pass out, don't pass out, don't pass out, whatever you do."
And then, of course, another 4 weeks or so after that I began the radiation treatments. Those wiped me out almost as much as the surgery had - I spent my isolation week laying on the sofa and when I felt up to it I would prop myself up with pillows and read Harry Potter books. I reread the entire 7 book series in that week. It's not clear whether I'll have to have more radiation. I have a nuclear scan scheduled for the fall, when I will be given a small dose of radiation (about 1/50th of what I was given in treatment) and then be somewhat isolated (I haven't gotten the procedures yet; I think I just have to stay away from kids and pregnant women) for a few days and return for an imaging study which will show if anything that was left has grown since last year. I had a similar scan done after the initial radiation treatment, and it was not fun. Plus I have to do the low-iodine prep diet for 3 weeks with it, which means no seafood, no dairy, no processed foods, nothing with red dye in it, blah blah blah. The worst part? No sushi from now until after the scan. =(
But, I'm alive and my prognosis continues to be "excellent." I may be frustrated by my lack of energy, but I'm doing better than a lot of people with cancer. And for that, I am grateful. Even if all I did in this post, mostly, was kvetch.
But as the day of the Summer Solstice draws to a close, I wanted to take a look back at what has been an incredibly difficult, amazing, humbling, moving, insane year.
And to thank the Universe and the Spirit for giving me another year. I promise to make the most of it.
A year ago, I was less than two weeks out of surgery for the cancer. I couldn't sit up for more than 20-30 minutes at a time, for the most part. I slept on the sofa because walking down the hall to the bedroom was too much for me. I was having horrific tetany symptoms, because my parathyroid wasn't working but the doctors kept trying to wean me off the calcium/vit D regimen. It was good times.
3 weeks out from the surgery was the wedding of a very good friend of mine. I wasn't cleared to drive and wouldn't have had the stamina anyway, and a dear friend gave up his entire weekend to drive me to CT for the wedding, stay overnight so I could rest, and stop for a few hours at a family party on the way home. Through the whole weekend he was at my side, ready with a steadying hand or a smile, and he will never, ever know how much that meant to me. I've tried to tell him, but there really aren't words for it.
4 weeks out of surgery I bought my first home. I was completely taken advantage of on a couple of different issues, but I'm trusting in the Universe to help me find a resolution.
8 weeks out of surgery, terrified that permanent damage had been done to my vocal chords and singing ability, I agreed to be a minstrel in the summer Shakespeare. I made it through, and except for one night I botched a whistle reel because I was in too much pain to concentrate, I think no one could really tell I was sick. Of course, that same friend who took me to the wedding was also a minstrel, and now he will say things like "Don't you remember last year at Shakespeare when X happened?" and I have to remind him that I mostly spent the entire run telling myself "don't pass out, don't pass out, don't pass out, whatever you do."
And then, of course, another 4 weeks or so after that I began the radiation treatments. Those wiped me out almost as much as the surgery had - I spent my isolation week laying on the sofa and when I felt up to it I would prop myself up with pillows and read Harry Potter books. I reread the entire 7 book series in that week. It's not clear whether I'll have to have more radiation. I have a nuclear scan scheduled for the fall, when I will be given a small dose of radiation (about 1/50th of what I was given in treatment) and then be somewhat isolated (I haven't gotten the procedures yet; I think I just have to stay away from kids and pregnant women) for a few days and return for an imaging study which will show if anything that was left has grown since last year. I had a similar scan done after the initial radiation treatment, and it was not fun. Plus I have to do the low-iodine prep diet for 3 weeks with it, which means no seafood, no dairy, no processed foods, nothing with red dye in it, blah blah blah. The worst part? No sushi from now until after the scan. =(
But, I'm alive and my prognosis continues to be "excellent." I may be frustrated by my lack of energy, but I'm doing better than a lot of people with cancer. And for that, I am grateful. Even if all I did in this post, mostly, was kvetch.
But as the day of the Summer Solstice draws to a close, I wanted to take a look back at what has been an incredibly difficult, amazing, humbling, moving, insane year.
And to thank the Universe and the Spirit for giving me another year. I promise to make the most of it.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
A Rare Political Diatribe
I belong to several industry listservs, one of which is dedicated to political discussion (supposedly as it pertains to healthcare). I have been disheartened to see that the majority of people who post regularly are staunch conservative Republicans, spouting anti-Obama rhetoric at every opportunity, praising the Tea Baggers, and crying foul the moment anyone challenges anything they post. This morning's digest contained a number of references to "Obama and his socialist cronies," among other things.
While it's not worth it for me to wade into the fray in my industry (where I am known, and where my own political leanings and beliefs do not mesh with those of my employers), I very nearly did post this response to that listserv - I actually hit "post" and then had a change of heart and deleted it before the moderators could approve it.
But then I found that I still felt like I needed to say it SOMEWHERE - so here it is.
A political party "spinning" dissent about their policies is not unique to the Obama administration. Nor is working with the media to slant what information is presented, or to withhold information altogether.
Just in recent memory? The anti-war protests during the Bush administration? There were HUGE protests in NYC and DC. Minimal news coverage. Those who expressed anti-war sentiments in the media were blacklisted (Dixie Chicks? Bill Maher?) and the country was basically told: "If you're not with us, you're against us." I saw a huge resurgence in "America: Love it or Leave it" bumper stickers - and we were right back to where we were during the Vietnam-era protests, the Korea-era protests, the Gulf War-era protests.... Do I need to keep going? So, don't place all the blame on "Obama and his socialist cronies" - it's both sides of the aisle doing the hush jobs.
Do I think that the Tea Baggers have a few screws loose? Yup. Do I think that Obama is the second coming? Nope. Do I think Glenn Beck needs to be banned from the airwaves? You betcha. Do I read the Huffington Post? Not on your life.
Partisan politics have degenerated so far that we can't even have useful dialogue anymore. It's name calling and mudslinging from all sides. That's NOT free speech. It's NONSENSE.
The freedom of expression and the right to dissent against our government are two of our most valuable freedoms, which many people have died to protect over the last 2+ centuries. As has been ably pointed out, many people in other countries suffer greatly because they lack these freedoms.
Maybe, if we all take a deep breath and try to express our opinions calmly and rationally, without name calling, rhetoric or insults, we all might find that we want many of the same things from our government, and from our country.
Or maybe we'll begin to realize that nearly all the political rhetoric being thrown around are simply "tales told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." (Shakespeare)
While it's not worth it for me to wade into the fray in my industry (where I am known, and where my own political leanings and beliefs do not mesh with those of my employers), I very nearly did post this response to that listserv - I actually hit "post" and then had a change of heart and deleted it before the moderators could approve it.
But then I found that I still felt like I needed to say it SOMEWHERE - so here it is.
A political party "spinning" dissent about their policies is not unique to the Obama administration. Nor is working with the media to slant what information is presented, or to withhold information altogether.
Just in recent memory? The anti-war protests during the Bush administration? There were HUGE protests in NYC and DC. Minimal news coverage. Those who expressed anti-war sentiments in the media were blacklisted (Dixie Chicks? Bill Maher?) and the country was basically told: "If you're not with us, you're against us." I saw a huge resurgence in "America: Love it or Leave it" bumper stickers - and we were right back to where we were during the Vietnam-era protests, the Korea-era protests, the Gulf War-era protests.... Do I need to keep going? So, don't place all the blame on "Obama and his socialist cronies" - it's both sides of the aisle doing the hush jobs.
Do I think that the Tea Baggers have a few screws loose? Yup. Do I think that Obama is the second coming? Nope. Do I think Glenn Beck needs to be banned from the airwaves? You betcha. Do I read the Huffington Post? Not on your life.
Partisan politics have degenerated so far that we can't even have useful dialogue anymore. It's name calling and mudslinging from all sides. That's NOT free speech. It's NONSENSE.
The freedom of expression and the right to dissent against our government are two of our most valuable freedoms, which many people have died to protect over the last 2+ centuries. As has been ably pointed out, many people in other countries suffer greatly because they lack these freedoms.
Maybe, if we all take a deep breath and try to express our opinions calmly and rationally, without name calling, rhetoric or insults, we all might find that we want many of the same things from our government, and from our country.
Or maybe we'll begin to realize that nearly all the political rhetoric being thrown around are simply "tales told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." (Shakespeare)
Monday, April 5, 2010
Haiku for a Lily
Stargazer. undated photo, but taken between February 2009 and now.
Haiku for a lily
curving petals soft
vibrant crimson streaks the pink
dawn precedes the light.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Next time you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place? You can envision this.
Happy Spring!
Photo: "Perseverance" taken in Buzzards Bay, MA, March 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
