Playing catchup

It's been a shamefully long time since I've posted any content here.  I've been busy with my writing over at Livejournal, and apparently I only have so much creative force within me at once. ;)  I went on vacation, and when I got back went straight into tech week for the show I was producing; had a two-week run, wrapped and struck on Sunday 6/13 and began rehearsals for my next show on Monday 6/14.  My energy levels are limited, although they are getting better, so I find myself really having to pay attention to what's on the to-do list and to prioritize what HAS to be done versus what I'd like to get done.  It's frustrating, but I just hope things continue to get better.  I think about where I was a year ago, and I can see the improvement. It's just not as fast as I'd like.

A year ago, I was less than two weeks out of surgery for the cancer.  I couldn't sit up for more than 20-30 minutes at a time, for the most part.  I slept on the sofa because walking down the hall to the bedroom was too much for me. I was having horrific tetany symptoms, because my parathyroid wasn't working but the doctors kept trying to wean me off the calcium/vit D regimen. It was good times.

3 weeks out from the surgery was the wedding of a very good friend of mine.  I wasn't cleared to drive and wouldn't have had the stamina anyway, and a dear friend gave up his entire weekend to drive me to CT for the wedding, stay overnight so I could rest, and stop for a few hours at a family party on the way home.  Through the whole weekend he was at my side, ready with a steadying hand or a smile, and he will never, ever know how much that meant to me.  I've tried to tell him, but there really aren't words for it.

4 weeks out of surgery I bought my first home.  I was completely taken advantage of on a couple of different issues, but I'm trusting in the Universe to help me find a resolution. 

8 weeks out of surgery, terrified that permanent damage had been done to my vocal chords and singing ability, I agreed to be a minstrel in the summer Shakespeare. I made it through, and except for one night I botched a whistle reel because I was in too much pain to concentrate, I think no one could really tell I was sick. Of course, that same friend who took me to the wedding was also a minstrel, and now he will say things like "Don't you remember last year at Shakespeare when X happened?" and I have to remind him that I mostly spent the entire run telling myself "don't pass out, don't pass out, don't pass out, whatever you do."

And then, of course, another 4 weeks or so after that I began the radiation treatments. Those wiped me out almost as much as the surgery had - I spent my isolation week laying on the sofa and when I felt up to it I would prop myself up with pillows and read Harry Potter books.  I reread the entire 7 book series in that week.  It's not clear whether I'll have to have more radiation.  I have a nuclear scan scheduled for the fall, when I will be given a small dose of radiation (about 1/50th of what I was given in treatment) and then be somewhat isolated (I haven't gotten the procedures yet; I think I just have to stay away from kids and pregnant women) for a few days and return for an imaging study which will show if anything that was left has grown since last year.  I had a similar scan done after the initial radiation treatment, and it was not fun.  Plus I have to do the low-iodine prep diet for 3 weeks with it, which means no seafood, no dairy, no processed foods, nothing with red dye in it, blah blah blah.  The worst part? No sushi from now until after the scan. =(

 But, I'm alive and my prognosis continues to be "excellent."  I may be frustrated by my lack of energy, but I'm doing better than a lot of people with cancer. And for that, I am grateful.  Even if all I did in this post, mostly, was kvetch.

But as the day of the Summer Solstice draws to a close, I wanted to take a look back at what has been an incredibly difficult, amazing, humbling, moving, insane year.

And to thank the Universe and the Spirit for giving me another year.  I promise to make the most of it.