The forecast is for cold temperatures, grey skies, rain & snow showers with moderate winds. Happy Spring!
Yellow Gerbera Daisy, 2009.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Next time you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place? You can envision this.
Happy Spring!
Photo: "Perseverance" taken in Buzzards Bay, MA, March 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Rainy Days and Wednesdays Always Get Me Down
Today, I'm having a Day. One of those Days where a million little things (and sometimes big things) go wrong, and you spend your time wishing you could have just stayed in bed and avoided it all. But, like 99% of the world, I couldn't go back to bed after the day showed its true colors. The car we just spent $680 fixing (last week) is driving worse than when we took it to the mechanic. The dryer that's been broken for a week is going to cost "more than the original estimate." The roof is leaking. The basement is wet. I made my lunch but left it on the kitchen counter. There's no coffee at the office. I got pulled over by a state trooper for "not moving into the left lane to pass an emergency vehicle in the breakdown lane" and only avoided a ticket by explaining that it would have been suicidal to pull into the left lane on a busy NorthEast highway when the car's check engine light is blinking and I can't get the car to do above 60MPH. I bought a bag of jelly beans to have as an afternoon sugar rush for the rest of the week, and left it at the house.
So here I sit - no coffee, no lunch, (no breakfast either, because I was rushing and thought, "well, I can eat my lunch a little early"), no candy and a caffeine withdrawl headache the size of Missouri. I send a TXT to a couple friends that says "this is not my day" and everyone agrees. Everyone's had a Day.
Why is that? It's not a full moon. Mercury's not in retrograde. There's no other phenomenal cosmic forces swirling around us, as far as I can tell. It's just an average March day, cold and wet with a north wind driving snow and frozen rain inside jackets and through scarves, sending dry leaves and sand scudding across the pavement. So why has everything gone catawampus?
A question like that could send you downspiralling after too much contemplation. So, I try to clear the cobwebs from my head and correct my perspective.
Nobody I love died today, or was seriously injured. People may be sick, perhaps dying - but not today. Things may be broken, and expensive to fix, but so far we're managing. The roof and basement may be letting water in where they shouldn't, but it's a home of our own, and we're making the mortgage payments on time, at least for now. I may go hungry today, and have a caffeine headache that's only slightly smaller than Missouri, but that 's just for today. We have food to eat and clean water and a host of other things that millions of people in this world are lacking. I may get aggravated by my job, but I'm working. We're doing all right.
Sometimes I think we all feel like bad days are punishments from above. One thing after another goes wrong until we lift our faces to the sky and shout "What more? What else are you going to throw at me?" But maybe that's not the right attitude at all.
Maybe, these days come to us to underscore how lucky we are when things go right. How lucky we continue to be even when things go wrong. When everything works the way it should and we have a great day, maybe we take it a little too much for granted.
So I am embracing today's message. No, my life is not what I would want it to be. Yes, I will always have unfulfilled dreams and hopes and wants. No, that does not mean my life sucks.
I thought after being diagnosed with cancer, it would be easier somehow to deal with all these petty problems. I thought I'd have some incredible epiphany that would elevate me above the small problems. But a year into my diagnosis and treatment, I still struggle with the day to day nonsense. A lot of the time it feels like I struggle even more than I used to - it's hard to have patience for the little things when so many big things are wrong in your life. I was always the person who soldiered on and got it done, regardless of how I felt or anything that was going on. To be suddenly faced with being physically unable to soldier on was a sobering, humbling betrayal of the personal strength I'd always prided myself on. Pride goes before the fall, as they say.
So, I struggle along like everyone else, trying to find reason and meaning in the midst of chaos. I try to find the positive spin as much as I can. I remind myself again that perhaps this is the Universe's way of reminding me to be grateful that my cancer is treatable, grateful for my spouse, family, friends - to be grateful for the things I have instead of lamenting what I lack.
Maybe the Universe really is out to kick us when we're down. But if that's true, there's nothing we can do about it... and really, by focusing on the positive spin, at least my headache's diminishing.
Or maybe that's just the Diet Coke kicking in.
So here I sit - no coffee, no lunch, (no breakfast either, because I was rushing and thought, "well, I can eat my lunch a little early"), no candy and a caffeine withdrawl headache the size of Missouri. I send a TXT to a couple friends that says "this is not my day" and everyone agrees. Everyone's had a Day.
Why is that? It's not a full moon. Mercury's not in retrograde. There's no other phenomenal cosmic forces swirling around us, as far as I can tell. It's just an average March day, cold and wet with a north wind driving snow and frozen rain inside jackets and through scarves, sending dry leaves and sand scudding across the pavement. So why has everything gone catawampus?
A question like that could send you downspiralling after too much contemplation. So, I try to clear the cobwebs from my head and correct my perspective.
Nobody I love died today, or was seriously injured. People may be sick, perhaps dying - but not today. Things may be broken, and expensive to fix, but so far we're managing. The roof and basement may be letting water in where they shouldn't, but it's a home of our own, and we're making the mortgage payments on time, at least for now. I may go hungry today, and have a caffeine headache that's only slightly smaller than Missouri, but that 's just for today. We have food to eat and clean water and a host of other things that millions of people in this world are lacking. I may get aggravated by my job, but I'm working. We're doing all right.
Sometimes I think we all feel like bad days are punishments from above. One thing after another goes wrong until we lift our faces to the sky and shout "What more? What else are you going to throw at me?" But maybe that's not the right attitude at all.
Maybe, these days come to us to underscore how lucky we are when things go right. How lucky we continue to be even when things go wrong. When everything works the way it should and we have a great day, maybe we take it a little too much for granted.
So I am embracing today's message. No, my life is not what I would want it to be. Yes, I will always have unfulfilled dreams and hopes and wants. No, that does not mean my life sucks.
I thought after being diagnosed with cancer, it would be easier somehow to deal with all these petty problems. I thought I'd have some incredible epiphany that would elevate me above the small problems. But a year into my diagnosis and treatment, I still struggle with the day to day nonsense. A lot of the time it feels like I struggle even more than I used to - it's hard to have patience for the little things when so many big things are wrong in your life. I was always the person who soldiered on and got it done, regardless of how I felt or anything that was going on. To be suddenly faced with being physically unable to soldier on was a sobering, humbling betrayal of the personal strength I'd always prided myself on. Pride goes before the fall, as they say.
So, I struggle along like everyone else, trying to find reason and meaning in the midst of chaos. I try to find the positive spin as much as I can. I remind myself again that perhaps this is the Universe's way of reminding me to be grateful that my cancer is treatable, grateful for my spouse, family, friends - to be grateful for the things I have instead of lamenting what I lack.
Maybe the Universe really is out to kick us when we're down. But if that's true, there's nothing we can do about it... and really, by focusing on the positive spin, at least my headache's diminishing.
Or maybe that's just the Diet Coke kicking in.
Monday, March 1, 2010
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